21 ANSWERS - DAY 17

Julie S. of Brooklyn, USA asks...

Hi Gemma, I can't wait to see you again for another reading! Anyways, my question is in regards to my mother. She has been going through a horrendous divorce for several years, with each court case draining her of money, resources and faith. She has no concrete work experience (outside of the home), is nearly 60, has a immune-related disorder, is burdened by a house that won't sell and no future prospects (at least in her mind). Having said that, I find it impossible to reach her and convince her to move forward, as she has become embittered by the divorce and paralyzed by the idea of starting over at a point in her life when she should be able to settle down. I know her situation is daunting, but I desperately want for her to move forward, before stress destroys her health and spirit. Is there any insight the spirit world can provide to guide my mom in the right direction, particularly from her mother who passed on- who she was/is extremely close to? Thanks so much,

Hey Julie, nice to hear from you.  Ok so first...what can you do about it?  Grandma says NOTHING, this is Mom's battle, you can't fix it.  She needs to take her journey and you can't take any more of her stuff on.  She is pretty firm about this.  She owns that she was a part of this cycle of co-dependent enabling but wants to help stop it now.  She says that she refuses to make you the "middleman - a position that you way to readily accept.  She believes that mom will be open to reading this, therefore is adamant about addressing mom directly.  I'm now turning the floor over to her.  (I will put her words in light blue so as to differentiate them from mine.  Mom, listen up...grandma says...

"Opportunity, Opportunity, that's what this is.  No coddling this time.  Together we girls will break this cycle.  Give to your daughter what I didn't give to you.  Don't bring her into this.  Empowering yourself will empower and teach her to empower herself.  You have never learned to take care of yourself or to pick yourself up by the bootstraps.  You are too used to being saved and the idea of saving yourself is almost unfathomable and very overwhelming for you.  But I promise you that you can.

This is your opportunity to learn this. To learn to take care of yourself.  Start by being thankful for it. Even though you don't see it, it's a very good thing.  You need to trust that I can see this more clearly than you can right now. You are feeling sorry for yourself and finding safety in that place of victim and that is what has continued the cycle of negativity for so long. You are too quick to notice "everything bad" that is happening to you instead of the good stuff.  You have a big opportunity for growth here.

Now use that stubbornness of yours to help yourself because when you do decide to do something, you do it with force and gusto and success.  When you come out of this "dark time," and you will as quickly as about 8 months from now depending on your attitude, you will stand so firm and strong on your own two feet because you did it and no one can or will ever take it away from you again.  Then you will have the ability to "settle down."  Honestly you are  the only one keeping yourself from that.

Now then, one thing at a time.  Let's take one thing at a time.  The divorce... budge a little.  You are so angry and resentful of the breakup that you are hell bent to get it all.  That mission is draining you dry and keeping you stuck.  Let go of some of the stuff and it will be over sooner and drain you less.  Some of what you are fighting for you don't really even want.  You are acting on principal which is getting you no where fast.

No work experience means nothing.  People with "no work experience," get jobs all the time.  It will be good for you to get out and work and do something that feels useful.  Secretarial, possibly at or around the law firm you are using for the divorce.  Just ask and see if they need someone part time you will either get a job or a lead there.

The house should sell in the summer so stop worrying yourself over it.  And stop saying over and over  that the market is bad so the house won't sell.  Guess what that creates?  You got it...The house not selling.  That kind of bad mouthing slows things down.

Finally your illness.  I know it's no fun but I sure as heck will tell you this... you're not making it any better with all this anxiety and negativity.  And change your diet...listen to the doctor(s).  Your being stubborn in the wrong place.  Here with the doctors, you need to listen and not be stubborn.  Instead, use that stubbornness to bring yourself out of your situation.

I will help you from here as much as I can but you MUST help yourself first and foremost.  No one can nor should do this for you except you.  And it's not because we don't love you, but because we do.  Now have one last cry, stand up, brush yourself off and let's get a move on."

Wow... Julie all I can say is that Grandma is a force and has a definite plan here.  Listen up here peeps... Our speople want desperately to help us, but we have to make the effort to help ourselves.  They can help and support us to some extent but they cannot take our journeys for us, nor can we take someone elses journey for them.  So Julie, she wants you to be there to support mom but NOT to enable her co-dependence, there is a difference and this is your opportunity to learn that.  This will be great advancement for both of you and I have to say... long overdue.  I think though that somewhere deep inside you know this.

Grandma has given you (along with a Rose that she just showed me she wants me to give you and says with a sly smile, you'll understand) a gift that you have been asking for, for quite some time.  Breathe a sigh of relief my friend.  The burden has been lifted.  I have (she just actually corrected me and said, "NO, say WE, we have") so okay gram, you're in charge here...WE have full faith that mom can and will do this.  Join us in rooting her on.  Great luck to you both!

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