I received a very hateful/hurtful email from someone I had once been very close to. Having been close with her, she knew my sore spot and purposely spit venom at it. I felt violated and betrayed. Living a human experience which is dipped thick in ego, I wanted nothing more than to strike back on the same level. As I was gearing up for my attack, Aurora, one of my spirit guides (who deals with the physical aspects of me) said, "Just wait a minute on that. Go for a walk in the park instead." "Walk in the park," I muttered to myself as I put on my sweats and my sneakers, disgruntled but knowing from past experiences that it's just an easier route to listen to THEM. And that even if I didn't know what THEY were doing, I knew THEY can see situations from a perspective that I can't. "Whatever," I thought, "I was planning to go walking anyway so fine, I'll just strike back later, when I'm done."
After walking for about an hour an a half, I decided to have some tea by a lake inside the park. I had pretty much forgotten about the email but was reminded of it when I looked at my phone for the time. You know how your mind can immediately take you back to stuff? Well, I remembered the ugliness and all the feelings came rushing back.
Aurora (my guide) re-appeared.
"I'm pissed," I told her. "I'm gonna respond and it aint gonna be pretty. My pen is much mightier than my sword and she's about to get cut down."
But people look to you for guidance. Is this how you 'walk the walk'?" She said.
"Uggggg. This is so hard sometimes," I complained. "How come other people can so recklessly say and do what they want, but because of my "gift" and my "work," I always have to take the moral high road? It's so not fair," I finished.
See, one of the things that comes with my work (and my guides know that I will only do my work if I'm authentically walking the walk) is to constantly introspect in order to find a better and more positive way of doing things. THEY also know I am living a human experience which means that the "high road" is not always the most enticing. Well here I was having a very "lower level moment" and I can assure you that the "high road" in that moment seemed hundreds, even thousands of miles away.
"Maybe you should write," Aurora said.
Oh I'm gonna write alright," I said back, "I'm gonna write an email back to her that says... You can talk about my weight all you want, I can lose it, but you...And I continued on a rant of negativity which I gotta admit, in that moment, felt good to get out. I felt a big relief.
Ok ," she said. "Do you feel better?"
"Yep, I sure do," I said like a little rebel 9 year old.
"Good," she said, it's good to get stuff out. But do you have to retaliate? Do you have to say it to her and be hurtful the way she was? Do you have to engage in her same negativity?" She questioned.
"Well, what would it prove?" She asked in her calm (always) wise voice.
"That I can be just as mean and hurtful."
"What would that do?" She asked
I had no answer.
Is that who you are Gemma? More importantly, is that who you want to be?"
"Well, in the moment when I feel hurt, I do, but as a rule, no I guess not." I admitted.
She reminded me of a book I read called, "The Four Agreements," by Don Miguel Ruiz. One of the agreements, the first I believe, is "Be impeccable with your word." In other words, think before you speak. My mom also was a big advocate of this and taught me to pause if even just for one second in a heated moment and ask myself, "Will this help or hurt?"
I had to admit that it would do no good to join her negativity party. It was a waste of my time and wasn't who I wanted to be. It wouldn't honor or serve me in anyway. I chose not to send the email back, but to write this post instead. I chose that not for her, but for me. I realized that not engaging in her negativity is actually an act of loving me.
LISTEN UP PEEPS... Be impeccable with your word! I get that we are human with ego and in moments of hurt and fear, it's so easy to jump on the negativity train. Now I can sit here and talk blah blah about not hurting others, but in that moment, that's often a seriously hard concept to grasp. So think of it like this...Do it for yourself. Engaging in negativity is in no way an act of loving yourself, so don't buy in. Stop and ask yourself in that moment, will this help (me) or hurt (me)? You can't make someone else love themself, but you can certainly choose to love you.
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